Television Talk

This post was prompted by the fact that a new series of the television show, The Bachelor begins tomorrow.

I am not much of a television guy and counting on my fingers, I see that I watch three shows occasionally and one show regularly. These shows are as follows:

1. The Amazing Race - This is my older son's favorite show and he never misses it. Probably every other show, he asks me to watch it with him and I do. As most know, it is a combination scavenger hunt/road rally/race around the world. I find it mildy entertaining but would not watch it without my son.

(As an aside, some years ago, after a softball game, I was drinking a few sodas in the parking lot of the field with fellow players and my son who would have been five or six at the time. Suddenly, a car came racing into the lot and screeched to a stop right near us. Two ladies ran out and screamed "we are on a scavenger hunt/road rally and need a picture of a ballplayer" at which time I said "snap away". They took their picture, thanked the group and raced off. I told my young son, "Watch. There will be some more people who will pull in and do the same thing." Of course, that is exactly what happened though some of the road ralliers did not choose our group for the picture. My son asked "how did you know?" and I said "I just knew".)

2. Life of Ryan - For the unitiated, this is an MTV reality show which follows the life of teenage professional skateboarder, Ryan Sheckler. Both of my sons are enthusiastic skateboarders and this is the only show that they both like so I occasionally watch it with them so the three of us can watch a show together. I will get some disagreement because Sheckler is a "love him or hate him" figure in the world of skateboarding but the kid is likeable and the show is well done. That said, I would not watch it without my boys.

3. The Biggest Loser - As most know, this is a weight loss reality show. My younger son who is early in elementary school years, likes to watch the "challenges" where one team identified by a particular color faces off against another team with another color in a physical challenge. My son will choose a team at random ("I like the Blue team") amd root for them to win the challenge but unfortunately gets pretty upset if his chosen team loses. I told him that in these challenges, if his originally chosen team looks like they are going to lose, he can in mid-challenge begin rooting for the other team and so far this has been working for us. I must say that I like this show a bit less than the other above two shows but I must say that in the last series there was some pretty bad behavior by some pretty unlikeable people on the show and that was somewhat entertaining. Like the other two shows, I would not watch this show if it was "just me".

4. Hanging my head in shame, the one show that I watch regularly and never miss is The Bachelor. The show probably needs no introduction other than the Bachelor (or Bachelorette) is assigned a group of around 25 ladies who act as a modern day harem competing for his attention and the Bachelor (and no one else) decides which of these ladies are worth his time and gradually winnows down the group until the very dramatic final where he is to choose one for an engagement and then marriage.

I have never told anybody that I watch the show however my wife, who is not a fan of the show tells just about everybody she knows that I watch this show usually preceded by the phrase "You are not going to believe this but...". The response is usually something along the lines of "You have got to be kidding" or "No way" or "I don't think that Kevin would appreciate you spreading lies like this." Later I am inevitably confronted by these people and give them a condensed version of the following which are the reasons why I like this trainwreck of a show.

a. There is an incredible amount of "acting out" behavior by the ladies (and of course the men for the bachelorette) in their bid to catch the attention of the Bachelor so not to be ignored which is certain death and elimination. This acting out runs the gamut from biting through a soda can (it happened) to handing the Bachelor some recently worn panties. It is also a sure bet that at any pool or beach scene, someone will "flash" the Bachelor who looks on admiringly but sometimes acts shocked. While in some relationships, there is a degree of acting out or showing off, what goes on in the Bachelor just does not happen in real life.

b. There are seemingly two or three "freaks" planted by the show in every series who really must be seen to be believed. There was one girl in the "Lorenzo" series and I forget her name who wore a tiara and told the other girls that she did not usually speak with commoners but she would in this case speak to the other girls just for the show. This alone was Excellence in Television and I for one am glad I caught it. This also just does not happen in real life.

(As an aside, these freaky ladies always seem to survive elimination for at least half of the series. There is no way that the Bachelor could see them as an acceptable mate or member of his harem so I have to believe that the show's producers tell the Bachelor "Hey, the freaky one(s) do not have to win but we would appreciate it if you would keep them around for a while." Works for me as viewer but there is just no corollary for this in real life.)

c. I could go on and on but this is probably the biggest mind-bender of the show for me. As background, the Bachelor signs a contract with the show's producers which obligates him to eliminate a certain number of ladies a week until he is down to two for the final show. I have not seen the contract obviously but it is clear that he can show no distinct preference for the ladies as this would ruin the surprise of the show's ending and he certainly cannot express any feelings of love to the ladies except at the last few episodes when the Bachelor suddenly realizes that he is "in love" with two different ladies at the same time and expresses this to the camera but not to the ladies themselves. This inevitably leads to ridiculous conversations where a lady will say to the Bachelor that "This is very hard for me to say and I have wanted to say this for a while but I have very strong feelings for you and I am falling in love with you." Instead of saying either "I love too" or "Maybe we are going too fast here" which would be the normal response, because of the constraints of the show, the Bachelor usually says something along the lines of "Thanks. That makes me feel good." It is cringe-inducing and almost too weird to watch. Now, this stuff definitely does not happen in real life.

Again, I could go on and on with other bizarre stuff which draws me to this show but I will just leave it at that.

One final thing. On the opening episode when the 25 ladies meet the Bachelor, they seem very full of excited anticipation with many of them already planning their future with the Bachelor. I believe that there has been only one actual "completed" wedding out of the 15 or so Bachelor(ette) shows with the other 14 shows ending in relationship flame outs between the Bachelor and the "winner". On opening night, I wonder what the affect would be of a killjoy whispering into the ear of one of these ladies that "Hey, this has only a 1 in 375 chance of working". (But that would be real life so it would be kind of out of place).

So with the deepest shame, I boldly declare "Go Bachelor! Though I am confined and trapped in the real world, you are my hero!"