John Lackey's two pitch start

So honey, how was your day?

Not good! I got thrown out of the game after only two pitches.

Why?

I threw behind Ian Kinsler with the first pitch. On the second pitch, I perfected my aim and hit him. I hate that Kinsler for showing me up after that home run a few years ago. He deserved it.

Um. ok. What happened afterwards?

I told the umpire that the pitches slipped and there was no way he could throw me out of the game. No way. I was outraged! After the game, I told the reporters, "I did not try to throw at Kinsler. I hadn't pitched in six weeks. The last thing I wanted to do was come out of the game early."

Honey, do you remember that talk we had with little John Jr. last week about lying?

Yea, but I HATE that Kinsler!