Lenny needs help!

Reuters reports that Lenny Dykstra's mansion in Thousand Oaks, California is being put on the market, six months after Dykstra filed for bankruptcy protection in the wake of numerous lawsuits filed against him due to his activities as a financial advisor.

It is reported that Dykstra purchased the 6.7 acre property from Wayne Gretzky for $17.5 million in 2007 but now there are $14.28 million in liens against the property and the bankruptcy trustee has put it up for sale with an asking price of $14.9 million.

It is also noted that the company hired by the bankruptcy trustee said it had to spend tens of thousands of dollars to improve the condition of the home, which was built in 2002, so that it could be sold.

"The house was left by Mr. Dykstra in an unshowable state with raw sewage escaping from the main drain left undone," wrote Brian Dubois of American Holdings & Land Inc. "The home was littered with empty beer bottles, trash, dog feces and urine and other unmentionables."

He said the company restored the main drain line "so that the house didn't become a bio hazard," and moved to eliminate an odor that had become "an issue with neighbors."

Interesting.

You know, Lenny Dykstra was obviously a very successful baseball player but that success sure hasn't followed him since he left the game.

From what I can see, he appears to be sorely in need of an occupation. Maybe I can brainstorm some possibilities so to help Lenny out.

Here is what I have considered:

1. Investment advisor? Well, that didn't work out so good the first time to put it mildly. Further, Lenny is apparently flat-broke and it is a good rule of thumb not to take investment advice from someone who lives in their car. It is hard to get a copy machine in there, you know. Next!

2. Locksmith? It appears that people have broken into this property and made themselves at home. That house is not very secure to say the least. All you have to do is engage the locks and make sure the security system is on but I guess that was not done. Not something a responsible locksmith would do. Let's move on.

3. Kennel operator? Dogs are leaving "things" inside the house! If customers bringing their dogs to a kennel see something like that in the main area, they are gone. Fail! No.

4. Plumber? There was apparently raw sewage in this house due to a drain problem which was in danger of becoming a "bio hazard". This ignores Rule #1 from which all others follow: Keep raw sewage out of the house! Would you hire a plumber that lived like this? Swing and a miss of Rob Deer proportions! We are going to need to move on.

5. Housekeeper? Empty beer bottles, dog feces, urine, "other unmentionables" (afraid to ask) and raw sewage in the house? Have you ever seen a housekeeper with this on their resume? Ummm, no. Next!

6. Interior Decorator? One room smells like urine, the other has raw sewage in it and another has the aftermath of vagrants and their animals. Clients won't pay for that type of decoration!

Hmmm. Well, I guess I am fresh out of ideas on this one. I did my best, I think.

That said, there has to be something out there for Lenny. There just has to be.

Once this Haiti crisis thing subsides, maybe we shift should our attention to this "almost-as-messed-up-as-that" problem.

This really needs a resolution.