According to Larry Johnson, former Executive at Alcor Life Extension Foundation in Scottsdale, Arizona where Ted Williams' frozen head resides, Williams' frozen noggin has not fared so well since his death.
In his upcoming tell-all book, "Frozen", Johnson apparently details how the Splendid Splinter's head has been repeatedly mutilated and abused since it has been at the Alcor facility. Apparently "technicians" without any medical certification used "crude equipment" to decapitate Mr. Williams. (This quite a teaser for a book. Are we talking an axe? Home-made guillotine? Butter knife? Laser?) Johnson also apparently details how Mr. Williams head was used in a gruesome form of batting practice when "technicians" attempted to dislodge it from a tuna fish can. We have heard over the years that Ted William's head was "cracked" and I guess we are starting to understand how that happened.
In the event that there is some miraculous advance in medicine such that Ted Williams head can be brought back to life, when he comes back, cracks or no cracks, whatever body he is attached to*, Ted is going to wreak some havoc on these people at Alcor.** I know it. It won't be pretty.
Also if Ted comes back unusually nasty and deranged like those once-dead animals and people in Pet Sematary, WATCH OUT! Frankenstein would have nothing on Recently-Dead-Ted.
*He might even look a bit like the little cartoon emblem on this card.
**He would have the mother of all lawsuits too.
No comments:
Post a Comment