I bet that he wouldn't tweet this stuff if he wasn't dead broke....

...and one of the richest men in the world didn't  "kinda-sorta" live  nearby.

Why not build a moat?

The Gentle Path rehabilitation facility in Hattiesburg*, Mississippi will not say "yes or no" whether Tiger Woods is an in-patient at their facility but this is what they are doing to their property.

I know this. If I am the National Enquirer, I am sure not leaving.

They might need to do some double sessions or something with Tiger so to get him out of there more quickly because I am sure their neighbors are going to be complaining about this eyesore very soon.** I gotta believe that tarp would have a very limited shelf life in any self-respecting neighborhood.

*Hattiesburg gets no respect. Spellcheck inquires if I really mean Gettysburg.

**With all that black, they could at least give it a gothic motif or something. Spice it up!

Just don't call him "Chili Bowl"

Born on today's date, none other than Chili Davis.

Apparently Chili received his nickname as a 12 year old in his native Jamaica when after a particularly horrific haircut, people started calling him "Chili Bowl".

Wow! That must have been some haircut and it was probably a hellish couple of weeks for "Chili Bowl".

So if you happen to run into Chili out and about, I think it is safe to call him "Chili" because that is what he has been going by for the last 35 years or so.

Call him "Chili Bowl"? I wouldn't.

It would be like calling Tiger Woods "Smashed-in Face".

You just don't do that.

GM to Tiger: "No more Escalades for you"

General Motors says no more free Escalades for Tiger Woods. These fine corporate folks say it is only because their contract with Tiger just so happened to expire on December 31st and they coincidentally are just not going to renew it.

No other reason, really. The contract just expired.

It is not because the most famous picture of an Escalade just happens to be one with a busted in front-end and miscellaneous golf club damage to it.

It's not that, silly.

The contract is up. It has an expiration date, you know.

Stop with the conspiracy theories, ok?

I bet you think Lee Harvey Oswald had a sponsor, don't you?

Britton doesn't like Tiger's religion and thinks that is part of the problem

Fox News anchor, Alexander Britton Hume (Brit Hume) recently on a roundtable discussion on Washington Today laid out an action plan for Tiger Woods so to resolve his current problems.

Said Hume:

"Tiger Woods will recover as a golfer. Whether he can recover as a person I think is a very open question and it's a tragic situation for him. I think he's lost his family. It's not clear to me if he'll be able to have a relationship with his children, but the Tiger Woods that emerges once the news value dies out of this scandal - the extent to which he can recover - seems to me to depend on his faith. He's said to be a Buddhist; I don't think that faith offers the kind of forgiveness and redemption that is offered by the Christian faith. So my message to Tiger would be, "Tiger, turn to the Christian faith and you can make a total recovery and be a great example to the world."

One creepy guy telling another creepy guy what to do.

Isn't that special?

I think Britton should sit down but that's just me.*

*The guy also needs a better internal filter but unfortunately for him they don't exactly sell those at WalMart, you know.

Tiger has at least one (male) friend

The Chicago Sun-Times reports that a close Tiger Woods insider advises that Kobe Bryant has called his friend to tell him to keep cool and that all would work out, "once all this blows over".

Kobe! Stay up on things!

He already offered her $5 mil to stay so your "Give her a diamond ring, trust me!" advice is not going to work here.

Have you seen the list of ladies?

Even the Hope Diamond probably wouldn't do it so give it a rest, ok!

I know it is a natural urge to procreate but.....

.......apparently we are up to 10 "Tiger Girls"* now.

10?!

I hope he was (is?) being careful.

Like REALLY REALLY careful.

Otherwise, Tiger Woods meet Steve Garvey.

You would get a new generation of "super-golfers" and all but he's not like a retired racehorse, you know.

* Not counting his wife though I guess she doesn't count anyway as reports say she is "gone".

Just trying to help

I think that Miguel Cabrera and Tigers Woods should do a Fritz Peterson/Mike Kekich thing*.

Their wives need a break.

*You probably don't have to google it but go ahead if you need to.

Piling on I know......

......but sometimes we are bad here.

Picture credit unknown.

I don't do the golf thing but.....

AP is now reporting that Tiger Woods is apologizing for "transgressions" against his family, whatever that means.* This comes a day after withdrawing from his own charity golf tournament.

Tiger Woods employs an army of PR people and handlers and this is the output?

If in fact, Tiger Woods did innocently just strike a fire hydrant with his car at 2:30 in the morning on his own property that he is presumably quite familiar with, this stonewalling PR strategy is an epic failure. Further, nobody believes that Tiger Woods is dumb enough to handle the aftermath of a vehicular accident this way.

If there is more to this story and it involves a family/wife/girlfriend conflict, this is a bit more tricky but his people are supposed to clean this stuff up. Right? He golfs, signs endorsement contracts and leads a secretive life and his people handle this stuff. Right?

People, serve your client here. Ok?

The guy is going to wake up soon, turn on the television and then fire you all.

I mean Snoop Dogg was once prosecuted as an accessory to murder and he is still walking around making loads of money. Call up his "people" if you need to.

*Actually, I just read the entire statement. I see that he "kind of" admits everything but specifically nothing and then blames the media. This is actually pretty good. I see that his people are rallying. Keep it going!