David Price's athleticism (or maybe lack of)

Last night in the Rays 5-2 win over the Twins, David Price fielded a routine ground ball and then threw the ball over the head of first baseman Carlos Pena that put 2 runners in scoring position.

"That was awful" Price said. "The most unathletic thing I've ever done. That was embarrassing."

So David Price says this throw was the most unathletic thing that he has ever done. Hmmmm.

Haven't you ever tripped on a crack on the sidewalk and fallen face first (splat!) onto the concrete?

Have you ever "missed" on a football kick-off, Charlie Brown-style?

Ever fallen off a roof?

Come on now, David! We know better.

Stephen Drew bobble head curse

So today was Stephen Drew bobble head day in Arizona and Mr. Drew responded by..........oh striking out 4 times.

I just checked ebay and there are two of these listed but neither have a bid.

Stephen, you only have yourself to blame.

Jim Leyland's workout regime

Whew! Man, I have only taken 3 swings and I am whipped.

I need to get back to the clubhouse. The air here is too clean and fresh.

Must....(gasp)....have....(gasp)....a....(gasp)....cigarette.

"Hey Billy! Come on over here and finish this drill up for me...........Thanks man, I owe you one."

Who would you rather pay?

Home Runs Allowed in 2009

Brett Myers: 17 as in SEVENTEEN! (and headed to the DL)
Zack Greinke: 0 as in ZERO! (as healthy as could be)

2009 Salary

Brett Myers: $12 million (not giving any back)
Zack Greinke: $3.75 million (not asking for more)

That ain't right.

Double ejection! But only one leaves.

That's how you do it. If the umpire throws you out, just throw HIM out right back!

The only problem is that the umpire will get to finish the game but at least you "threw him out".

Also consider this quote from noted bad boy, Milton Bradley. "That was pretty impressive. That was on a Bradley level."

That is a mighty fine meltdown when even Milton Bradley is calling you out.

Congratulations, I guess.

How do you congratulate a hated rival? Like a HATED rival.

A rival who's fans come to our arena in mass and tear down posters of our players; some of which were drawn by children.

A rival who's fans come to our arena in mass (were the bars closed that night in Windsor?) with their vulgar chants; most of which are pretty old as I have heard these from them many times before. (At least be creative)

A rival who's fans probably set a record for alcohol consumption at our rink during the playoffs this year. (Oh well, at least our club made money off of them)

Hmmmm.

Let me think.

Well, here goes: "Congratulations to the Windsor Spitfires for winning the 2009 Memorial Cup." (There, I said it)

By the way, don't think that we were rooting for you in the Memorial Cup just because you were representing the Ontario Hockey League in the tournament. We weren't. Just the opposite. (Ok, not nice, I know)

If you are so good, hmmm..........well........hmmm......well come play the Red Wings. Yea, that's it; come play the Red Wings. See how you do.

Signed,

A Plymouth Whalers fan

Probably will not vote for Manny

Ok, so Manny Ramirez is now 4th at his position regarding voting for the All Star Game and most of this is apparently fueled by an effort by many fans to "get out the vote" for Manny in order to protest major league baseball's drug policies. While it certainly is tempting to put a thumbtack in the eye of Bud Selig, I am having a hard time working up any enthusiasm for this cause.

If Manny had taken a more "manly" performance enhancing drug like HGH or something maybe I could get on board but Manny took a woman's fertility drug and I am just not down with that as that is just a little too "out there" for me. I think I am pretty open-minded in general but there is something in me that will not stand beside a male consumer of female fertility drugs in order to hit baseballs just a little farther. I almost think that I would have to surrender my man card to vote for him and I am not ready to do this.

With tongue firmly in cheek, I think I will have to be absent from this little movement just like the umpire in the card above.

New favorite player!

Clay Zavada - barbershop quartet escapee!

I mean it is not quite Rollie Fingers type quality but there is some potential there.

Let's give it some time though. It's only his first week on the job.

Ok, go ahead and celebrate but....

The "pie in the face" thing is ok I guess but maybe getting a little old. That said, the new fire extinguisher celebration is just a little much if you ask me.

My .02

Michael Cuddyer's "historic" bat

I see that the Hall of Fame has requested the bat that Michael Cuddyer used when he hit for the cycle the other night.

Now don't get me wrong. I know that hitting for the cycle is an impressive feat but it really is not all that "rare". I did not get the sense that Cuddyer's cycle was exactly water cooler conversation the next morning.

If I was a visitor to the Hall of Fame and saw that Cuddyer's bat was in a display and not in a closet somewhere, I think I might be just a little underwhelmed.

Sorry. Just sayin.

Uh, come again?

I was reading the AP story on yesterday's Tigers/Rockies game and came across this curious phrase,"Rockies manager Clint Hurdle, a Detroit Lions fan, visited the team's training facility in suburban Allen Park where he met coach, Jim Schwartz and rookie quarterback, Matthew Stafford."

Clint Hurdle, a Detroit Lions fan?

I have read this phrase over and over again am I am not at all understanding this. I have never (not once) ever heard of an out-of-stater claiming to be a Detroit Lions fan. I can tell you that even people from Detroit are not REALLY Lions fans. Fans of the NFL no doubt but not the Lions.

Why would he be a fan?

Was it Scott Mitchell? Joey Harrington? Charles Rogers? Bubbles the mascot?

I am not getting it.

Help me out here Clint. Pull up a chair. I am all ears.

Gone fishin'

May be away for a few days as me and the clan will be heading to Northern Michigan for a few days of r & r. Internet availability in those parts is a little uncertain. (Sir, what is this "wireless connection" you speak of?)

Anyway, if I am not back before Monday, have a good holiday!

No broken stuff when I get back, ok?

It's still going

Next time, let's throw him some off speed stuff.

Tiger game random observations

Skate Kid and I enjoyed an afternoon game at Comerica Park today and saw the good guys (Tigers) "pulverize" (well they scored more runs anyway) the bad guys (Rangers)4-3. In no particular order, here are some observations.

*I felt very guilty about having 7 year old Skate Kid miss a few hours of school to catch the game but I really did not have much choice as the friend that was to come to the game with me cancelled on short notice. It happens. I thought Skate Skid would be the only kid at the park for a weekday afternoon game. Boy, was I wrong. As a matter of fact, I do not think I have ever seen so many kids at the park. There were school buses lined up as far as the eye could see and it appeared that these all involved school "field trips". When I was a kid, I can only remember going to (frankly boring) science museums and the local library. When did this start?

*About halfway through the game, a friendly old timer who was sitting behind us asked me if Skate Kid liked peanuts and I said "yes" thinking he might offer him a handful. He then gave him a pretty large bag which was almost full and I said, "Are you sure?" and he said "I want him to have it." I thanked him of course. It pays to be 7 years old, cute and dressed in Tigers gear.

*The closer for the Tigers, Fernando Rodney was warming up just before the top of the 9th inning as he was going to pitch the ninth to close out the game. The Tiger fielders were warming up and the leadoff batter for the Rangers was mulling around the on deck circle for some time. No Fernando Rodney in sight as he was throwing in the bullpen. I was thinking "How long can this go on?". The umpire then began to think the same thing and began waiving to the bullpen to bring a pitcher in. No response. He waives again and again. This goes on for a while. After some time, Rodney just comes on out (very late to the party). I have never seen anything like it. Rather comical, actually.

*After the game, we stopped at a local McDonalds for dinner. I paid the cashier in bills and coins and she hands me back a nickel and says "Sorry, no." I thought I miscounted or something and asked if she needed a dime or something. She said "We do not take Canadian coins." For what it is worth, Detroit is just across the river from Ontario and there has always been a ton of Canadian coins floating around here and I cannot recall a business ever refusing to take one. Look, I don't think I would give a business here a Loonie Canadian dollar coin but I think anything less than that is fair game. Well I eventually gave the cashier a legal tender American nickel so that she could hand over our food. I am not going to "boycott" this particular McDonalds or anything but when there is one on every corner, it is pretty easy just to stop at the next one.

Go Tigers! First place. As me and my kids are 2-0 at the park this year, I have decided that we are good luck charms so I am sure that is what is going on here. I don't see any other possible explanation.

Hello Phillies uniform guy!

Another "cursive writing" issue.

Johnny Cueto's "autograph"

Skate Kid also has problems with cursive writing. (But he is only 7 years old)

Say it ain't so, Alex Rios

Alex Rios of the Blue Jays got thrown out stealing last night with a knuckleballer on the mound.

Keep that off your resume.

Is Dontrelle back?

Nice night at Comerica Park tonight. Nice weather, a stadium comfortably not too crowded and a pleasant (almost shocking) surprise of a pitching performance from Dontrelle Willis.

Computer Boy had his baseball card and sharpie ready for Josh Hamilton however Josh did not play or participate in batting practice nor was he on the field for the pre-game; I believe as a consequence of him hitting the wall making a catch a few nights ago. The only glimpse Computer Boy had of Josh is when he came out to stand for the National Anthem. As I mentioned in a prior post, Skate Kid and I are going to the Tigers/Rangers game Thursday and Skate Kid will bring the card and sharpie and make an attempt. I did "catch" a batting practice ball (it rolled to me as we were standing in foul territory watching the hitters) and Computer Boy now owns the ball so he is happy with that obviously. It now goes in the box with other batting practice balls to be signed by the players at Tiger Fest in February.

Well the story of this game was Dontrelle Willis who had not won a major league game in 20 months. Willis was sharp, and that is an understatement, allowing 2 baserunners in the first inning but then retiring the next 17 batters in a row. He ended up with 5 ks, 2 walks and only 1 hit given up in 6 1/3 innings. The Tigers win 4-0 with Willis getting the W.

One thing I noticed is that after the first inning in which Willis escaped without giving up a run, about 25 people behind the Tigers dugout stood and gave him a loud cheer; much more than a normal cheer in that situation. After the second inning, there were about 30-40 people standing and cheering. After the third inning, practically the whole section was standing and cheering. We sit in Section 126 just behind home plate and by the fourth inning, our section was also standing and cheering along with other sections. When Willis was lifted in the 7th inning, the entire crowd gave him a loud standing ovation. It is a well known fact that Dontrelle is a little on the emotional side. During the final (again loud) ovation as Dontrelle was walking off, he was smiling ear to ear and he began clapping his hand into his mitt. He then looked to the crowd and touched his heart. I am not much of a sentimentalist but I was touched anyway.

If Dontrelle could get back to where he was in his early years with the Marlins, he could have this city in the palm of his hand. He really could.

If tonight is any indication, if he needs any assistance from the fans, he's got it.

Go D-Train!

Forgot to mention. I went to park in the lot that I have been parking at forever and it was "closed for the day" with nobody there and a gate barring access to the property. I then went two blocks down and found a safe and secure lot which is quite a bit cheaper so this is my new parking lot unless they "close" or something. Moral of the story as to the first lot: Don't close ever.

Ryan Church - close but no cigar and perhaps waivers

"I felt like I nicked something and that's why I kept going" said Ryan Church who missed 3rd base with his right foot and was called out on an appeal in last night's 3-2 loss to the Dodgers. (I think it is safe to say that no manager ever wants to hear anything like this.)*

Church also said "I think it might have turned the momentum a little bit". ( Yep, that is generally how these things work.)

*I just found this one from Mets manager, Jerry Manuel, "The guy missed third base, and it is unbelievable. I can't explain why or how or anything, but he actually missed the base."

I think penance for Church is due maybe in a church. If not, he is toast. That or a toasted wafer.

Season debut at Comerica Park

While we have been to some minor league games this year, Computer Boy and Skate Kid will make their "season debuts" at Comerica Park this week when the Tigers play the Rangers. Computer Boy is going Tuesday and Skate Kid is going Thursday. I will be acting as the honorary chauffeur, host and hot dog and souvenir provider for both games.

Computer Boy will be bringing a Josh Hamilton baseball card and a sharpie as Josh is his favorite player. He knows an autograph is a longshot but it does not hurt to be prepared. If no luck, Skate Kid will bring the card and the sharpie Thursday for his game. Skate Kid is 7 years old and does not know one player from another (though he likes Tiger players) but he would be thrilled to get an autograph from any player so he will make the attempt if Computer Boy strikes out Tuesday. We chose these games with Texas as part of our partial season ticket package specifically so Computer Boy could see Hamilton so he is psyched. Skate Kid just likes being at the park.

Computer Boy is not camera friendly and I do not particularly like to lug a camera around so I do not know if I will bring one. I do know that if I bring one, it will be a minor inconvenience to carry around but if I do not bring one, Josh Hamilton will sign his card and I will not get a photo of that for posterity. For what it is worth, the only time I brought a camera to a game was at a 2006 Tigers/Yankees playoff game and I got a picture of Rudolph Guliani waiving to Computer Boy as he was leaving the field. I guess this means that I should bring a camera.*

Dontrelle Willis pitches Tuesday. Our seats are in Section 126 which is one of the two sections behind home plate and we have been in these seats for 3 years and we love them. Now with Dontrelle pitching (old lame joke coming), I am going to have to walk up about 25 rows to the netting behind home plate before the game to make sure that it is secure so no errant throws can reach the crowd to cause any injury. Can't be too careful, ya know!

*Computer Boy has just advised me that it would be "dumb" to bring a camera. I don't want to be "dumb" so I don't know about the camera.

Where to start?

Joe Maddon's lineup card explanation

Hey, these lineup cards are more complicated than they look. A lot of lines and boxes you know. The dh makes this difficult too. And Sonnanstine has always wanted to bat.

Come on, get off my back already!

John Lackey's two pitch start

So honey, how was your day?

Not good! I got thrown out of the game after only two pitches.

Why?

I threw behind Ian Kinsler with the first pitch. On the second pitch, I perfected my aim and hit him. I hate that Kinsler for showing me up after that home run a few years ago. He deserved it.

Um. ok. What happened afterwards?

I told the umpire that the pitches slipped and there was no way he could throw me out of the game. No way. I was outraged! After the game, I told the reporters, "I did not try to throw at Kinsler. I hadn't pitched in six weeks. The last thing I wanted to do was come out of the game early."

Honey, do you remember that talk we had with little John Jr. last week about lying?

Yea, but I HATE that Kinsler!

What was his game entrance music?

Hell's Bells?
Enter Sandman?
Ice cream truck "happy" music?

Topps Heritage - John Calhoun

The New York Yankees?! I don't know who they are and I don't think baseball has even been invented yet. I do know those !*&@! Yankees and if they don't shape up, we are going to have a Civil War in about 30 years!

Let Bernie the Brewer bat

Hey everybody! I just read the last post. I will take some swings!

Bernie the Brewer

Ok, enough with the steals of home already!

So Michael Bourn of the Astros decided to get in the act last night and stole home. I note that Bourn's was not a straight steal as it involved a double steal with a throw by the catcher down to second base followed by a throw back home to try and nab Bourn. While entertaining, this is coming on the heels of the Ellsbury and Werth steals of home and the "steal of home" thing might be getting just a little old now, thank you very much.

I have consulted with Computer Boy and Skate Kid and these are some things that we are "not tired of" that we would like to see in baseball games.

1. We would like to see more runners from second base attempt to take two bases and score on a sacrifice fly. If you are thrown out, well you tried.

2. We would also like to see more inside-the-park home runs. Just don't stop running. Make them throw you out.

3. How about more pitchers who can throw with either arm like that guy in the Yankees farm system who can negate any switch-hitting batter advantage? We can train em young.

4. Let Bernie the Brewer bat in a blowout game. Sign him to a one-day contract or something. Sliding down the slide after home runs is fun but I bet he would rather bat. He lives at the park after all. At the very least, give him a water slide.

When we get "tired" of these things, we will think of more stuff.

David Ortiz - rock bottum

Last night: 0 for 7, 12 runners stranded. 208 season average. 144 at bats since his last home run.

Maybe he needs to channel his "inner child" or something.

Jose Canseco's "bustin at the seams" news conference

The press was apparently not much interested in another news conference on steroids from Jose Canseco. The microphone also appears unnecessary here.

I got it! Well maybe not.

Bizarre play last night in the Phillies/Dodgers game. James Loney hits a shot to deep right field. Phillies right fielder, Jayson Werth (presumably) tracks the ball and settles a few feet into the warning track. Werth stands there for a few seconds looking up, does not appear confused and raises his arms slightly in a "catching" motion. A routine catch appears to be seconds away.

The ball then lands in the stands about 5-7 rows up about 10 feet to Werth''s right. As the ball landed, apparently Werth hears it, appears startled and then takes a few quick steps to his right and looks into the stands. (Too late now Jayson! You wouldn't have caught it anyway.)

I don't know if Worth was out particularly late the night before celebrating his steal of home the previous night.

Catch the middle one, Jayson!

Now Jayson Werth steals home, Prince Fielder is next

So last night, Jayson Werth of the Phillies steals second, third and then home with the steal of home coming on a throw back to the pitcher. Very cool and probably better than Ellsbury's steal of home a few weeks ago. This just gets better and better. The only way to top this is for Prince Fielder to complete a straight steal of home but of course he would somehow have to get to third base for this to have any chance of happening.

I am waiting.

Edgar Renteria has left the building

I was watching Sports Center last night and Peter Gammons was talking about zone rating and how it measures defensive performance. When the discussion came around to shortstops, he mentioned that Edgar Renteria "of the Tigers" has one of the two worst zone ratings at his position. No surprise that Renteria would be ranked so low but Peter, I must tell you that the Tigers got rid of Renteria last year primarily because he was unable to field his position properly. He is the Giants' problem now. Speaking for Tiger fans with regards to Mr. Renteria, I think it is safe to say that when he is gone, he is GONE.

(Note the Giants jersey above)

Torii Hunter's catch kinda spoiled it

Great catch by Torii Hunter and all but I was kind of looking forward to the wicked super-ball like bounce and ricochet once the ball hit those rocks.

What does Griffey get for hitting the Subway sign?

So last night, Ken Griffey hits a long home run (with a pink bat) with the ball hitting the "Fit hit - $25,000" Subway banner/sign hanging in deep right in the Metrodome. Actually the replays seem to show the ball going right through the banner but that might be beside my point.

What does Griffey get for hitting the banner? $25,000? A free sub? Absolutely nothing?

Does he need to file a claim?

Does he have to fill out any insurance paperwork?

Does he need to submit a witness affidavit to the feat?

Is he not eligible due to his status as an opposing player? In that case, will he get a bill for the ripped banner?

Are you going to pay up or not, Subway?

Enquiring minds want to know.

Nick Swisher made a liar out of me

Years ago, my wife and I went to a Richmond Braves game (as a slight tangent, their stadium looks like a giant form-fitted slab of concrete) when the left fielder on one of the teams threw a ball to the plate which sailed well above the head of the catcher and hit the top of the backstop and may have even hit the protective netting. It was a comical, cartoon-like play. Anyway, I turned to my wife, who is not much of a baseball fan, and said "You would never see that happen in a major league game."

THANKS FOR MAKING ME LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT, NICK SWISHER!

Dontrelle Willis - starter to be

The Tigers have announced that Dontrelle Willis will start against the Twins Wednesday.

Ok, let's make sure that the netting behind the plate is secured really, really well. People are going to be sitting in that section, you know.

On a serious note, Willis is a good hitter which makes you wonder if he has studied Rick Ankiel's career path. He would have to lose his recently acquired Pillsbury Dough Boy physique to be a position player but it probably beats tossing pitches into the protective netting on a regular basis.

Carlos Beltran - sole outfielder

I bet that when Carlos Beltran took his position in center field last night and saw Gary Sheffield on one side of him and Fernando Tatis on the other, he probably thought, "Just great! I am covering foul line to foul line again."

Manny?!

A woman's fertility drug?! I for one am SO disappointed.

When I heard that Manny had been suspended for 50 games for a drug violation with the "drug to be named later" I thought that this was going to be epic. I fully expected some type of exotic drug cocktail that even the world's greatest chemists could not determine what it was other than confirmation that the drugs had hallucinogenic and mind-bending properties.

Instead we get a woman's fertility drug. Pfffffffft.

This is just SO "not Manny"!

David Ortiz steps to the edge and peers into the abyss

I think I kinda knew that David Ortiz was slumping somewhat but I did not know that he has not hit a home run in 125 at bats going back to last year. 2009 batting average: .229.

Oh, man. I know he had the wrist injury but I think he is about a year out from that.

I cannot recall another player having a quicker fall off the cliff than Ortiz is having. Jim Rice, Dale Murphy and Mo Vaughn do come to mind though.

33 aint THAT old!

Sometimes goalies need to levitate

The Nationals' little known side business

The Nationals have a walk-in clinic where they are apparently treating patients "out back."

All major medical insurance plans accepted.

This is not good customer service, Mr. Steinbrenner

I am late on this but I just cannot keep up with everything.

Monday night, the start of the Yankees game was delayed due to rain with the game eventually starting around 9:20. Apparently some time prior to this, hundreds of fans had left the stadium assuming that there would be no game with some saying they only did so after being told by Yankees employees that there would be no game that day due to the weather. Once the 9:20 start time was announced, hundreds of fans still outside naturally attempted to reenter the stadium to watch the game that they paid for only to be refused and told that the team has a firm no-reentry policy so fans were not let back in the stadium. Apparently, fans were directed to a customer service window which was locked. (JUST GET THEM AWAY FROM THE GATES!)

Some quotes from the "victims" on the sidewalk from the New York Daily News:

"We talked to the security personnel, who said there was zero chance they were going to play the game" said Tom Stuart, a 27 year old from Astoria who waited out most of the rain delay before leaving with his girlfriend. "We spent three hours drinking beer - you can't drink much because they're 10 bucks a piece (Priceless but now back to programming) - now they're going to play a game in front of 35 fans." (The stands did look pretty empty from what I saw on television)

"I built this Stadium and they won't let me in it," a man wearing a local union jacket said before storming off.

"We're part of hundreds of people, if not thousands," said Martin Watson, a 39 year old New Yorker who spent $800 for four tickets and tried to reenter through Gate 6. "This is not fan-friendly. This is B.S. You pay money for a top-of-the-line franchise, and you get bottom-of-the-line customer service."

The Yankee response: GO HOME PEOPLE!

Great stuff; well not for the people on the sidewalk but.......you know what I mean.

Bronson Arroyo

Bronson is secure in the knowledge that he possesses a well protected head.

He would even be safe facing Dontrelle Willis.

Rick Ankiel - Control pitcher

So last night, Rick Ankiel makes a spectacular catch chasing down a ball in the gap before a scary collision with the wall. Apparently, he is going to be ok which is good news. This comes on the heels of a nice catch last week; that one of the "diving" variety.

When Ankiel's career as pitcher ended spectacularly due to extreme wildness and he announced that he would attempt to resurrect his career as a position player, my first thought was that MLB umpires everywhere would be breathing a sigh of relief but my second thought was "Man, that never works. What non-baseball skills do you have to apply to a career? Did you invest your money well while in the big leagues? Move on."

Boy, was I wrong. Ankiel can hit and has one of the smoothest swings you will ever see. He obviously also plays a very respectable center field. The guy is an athlete. Rick Ankiel, I am no longer a doubter.

I was once at a card show and picked up a Rick Ankiel card out of a dime box. It is from an unlicensed minor league 2000 "Royal Rookies" set. The front of the card has a nice picture of him on the mound but that is not why I picked it up. I bought it because the back of the card has a "fluff" type write-up regarding his minor league career to date and the last line reads:

"What sets Rick apart from other pitchers is his command and control."

Jinxed him.

As the jinx that this card put on a young Rick Ankiel altered the face of baseball history, I will not consider selling it any price. Nope. No offers will be considered.

No way did this happen

Having watched my share of Tiger games last year, I can personally attest that there is "no way, no how" that the scene depicted on this Topps baseball card ALLEGEDLY of Edgar Renteria ever actually occurred.

I will concede that this does look like Edgar Renteria but there is no way that the "human statue" ever contorted his body in this manner to make a play like this. NO WAY DID THIS HAPPEN. San Francisco Giants fans can now back me up on this.

This is an imposter-type card similar to the 1969 Topps Aurelio Rodriguez/batboy card. This is the only possible explanation for the twilight zone type scene depicted on this card.

Topps, we are on to you!

Nice try, though.

"Why is this big?"

So Saturday, we all go out to dinner at a local restaurant. The restaurant has 2 or 3 televisions and the Kentucky Derby is on each of them. The restaurant is about half full and looking around, I see nobody really seems to be watching the horse-racing festivities on the tube. I am not really surprised.

I can remember as child gathering around the television with the family to watch the Kentucky Derby and this would be preceded by weeks of news coverage on the race and we seemed to know which horses were running and which one's were our favorites. We watched the race and I think I can recall mildly enjoying it. I can also recall going to at least one big Kentucky Derby party at a relative's house as again this was a big deal back then.

Times have changed. I know that casinos and other forms of legalized gambling have kind of killed off the sport of horse-racing and now it does seem to be a rusted-out relic from an earlier time. I frankly have no feelings one way or the other on that situation. It is what it is.

Anyway, we watched the race.

The verdict from the kids: Boring (where is our food?)

The jockey of the winning horse appeared to be crying tears of joy on his victory lap and Skate Kid asked me why he was crying. I told him that he was crying because he was happy because he just won a very big race.

His response: "Why is this big?"

Says it all, I guess.*

*P.S. Computer Boy just walked by and asked what I was writing about and I told him "The Kentucky Derby".

His response: Why?

Qualifications necessary for a JumboTron operator

With the recent Red Wings game fresh in mind, this got me to thinking as to just what the qualifications are for the position of a JumboTron operator at sports stadiums.

For the uninitiated, at large sports arenas, there will be more than one video camera-person walking through the stands filming people in the crowd for live shots put up on the overhead JumboTron (large screen) between periods or when there are breaks in the game action. The live shots of people on the JumboTron will rotate from time to time and I am assuming that there is a technician "behind-the-scenes" who has a monitor in front of him/her of the various live shots taken by his camera-people and decides which shots get on the JumboTron and also then decides when to switch to another shot. Sounds kind of fun but the more you think about it, this is not as easy as it seems.

I notice that they seem to like to show a few pretty ladies smiling and waiving at the camera and in these cases, this scene will linger on the JumboTron for quite a while. People like this. Another popular scene is a kid or a group of kids dancing or cheering for their team. This scenario also gets quite a bit of time on the large screen. Most people like kids. What you will see less frequently is a group of men "guys" typically with beer cups in hand (sometimes stacked high into the empties) and all standing with one of them having his face very close to the camera and holding up his index finger screaming "WE ARE NUMBER ONE. YEAHHH!". The behind-the-scenes technician does not seem to have too much patience with this and the picture on the JumboTron is usually changed to something else once the ringleader of the group gets his face right up to the camera lens. I mean who wants to see tonsils , stubble and extreme inebriation; though the latter can be pretty funny. None the less, this is really somewhat harmless.

What seems most challenging for the technician is when he is confronted by what initially seems like an innocent scene (two ladies waiving) and a third party (or parties) "crashes the scene", maybe even with a sign or something, and mugs for the camera and appears to be ready to do something inappropriate. I notice that these scenes are switched immediately on the big screen as I am sure the technician was getting a bit nervous as to what could possibly happen next and again immediately switches the JumboTron picture to a "safer" scene (back to kids or something). Obviously this is kind of an old ritual which has gone on for years and I could be wrong, but I cannot ever recall something inappropriate ever make it to the JumboTron though I am sure that there have been some very close calls and all of this is due to the skill and judgement of the "behind-the-scenes" technician.

When an arena has an opening for this technician position, I have to believe that the necessary qualifications for this position would have to be something like the following:

1. Must have a clear understanding of what inappropriate behavior is.

2. Must know all of the obscene and inappropriate hand and other gestures.

3. Must understand the effects of alcohol on human behavior. Perhaps best learned through personal experience.

4. Must be able to anticipate inappropriate behavior before it happens. Don't ask how to do this. You should just know.

5. Must have a quick trigger finger. There is no room for error.

We don't care how impressive your other video technical skills are, if you do not possess even one of the five necessary attributes noted above, you are by definition not qualified for this job.

Sorry.

A night of towel waiving

Ok, so Skate Kid and I were lucky enough to attend last night's second round NHL playoff game between the Red Wings and the Ducks.

You can't ask for a better game with the Wings pulling out a 3-2 win in the last minute of play. Plenty of fire, smoke, explosions, loud music and also a giant octupus which descended from the ceiling before the game. We were also treated to 4 real octupi (plural of octupus?) thrown on the ice during the game.

The game was not a sellout as approximately 10-15% of the seats were not occupied and this was the first Red Wing game that I have ever been to which was not a sellout and this is a symptom of the ailing Michigan economy. As there was no "standing room" action, it was quite a bit easier to walk around the arena. Sorry, owner, Mike Illitch but it is true. I do hope that sellouts return to Joe Louis Arena sometime soon though.

Skate Kid thought the music was a bit loud for his ears but other than that it was a perfect night for him. He was one of just a few kids there but I know this is standard for a playoff game. I guess due to the novelty of seeing a 7 year old at a playoff game, he sure got a lot of attention and high fives from those around us. Skate Kid did pick up up some bottle caps on the floor for his cousin who collects bottle caps. (Justin, if you are out there, they are in a safe spot.) From his little scavenger hunt of bottle caps, I can tell you that Miller Genuine Draft seems to be the dominant beer consumed at Joe Louis Arena. He also told me that people say "bad words" at these games and I told him that now he knows what words he cannot say.

The Wings gave away free hand towels for the fans to waive and obviously this is pretty customary at big games. We got an extra towel for 12 year old Computer Boy who was following the game (and also the OHL finals) on the computer at home.

You would expect the towel to say something like "Go Wings" or "Beat the Ducks"; that kind of thing. The towels given away yesterday say (I am not kidding) "Buy and Sell Tickets!" followed by the website address for the Red Wing's ticket office. Hmmmmm. It just seems a little funny to cheer on the Wings waiving a towel that says "Buy and Sell Tickets!"

Computer Boy has a pretty impressive collection of towels from our local sports teams and when he saw his, he said "Look what it says! This is not one of my better towels but I will keep it". The price was right anyway.

Forgot to mention, this morning, Computer Boy retrieved one of the tickets and went to http://www.seatdata.com/ and located the seat with a big blow up of a picture of the view from that seat. As I passed, he made a point to show me and say "Great seats, dad!"

I know that this is a passive-aggressive way of telling me that he wants to go to the next game and Skate Kid can stay home if necessary.

I just said, "Yes, they were" and filed it away in my memory bank.

Arod only tips waitresses 15%

Ok, so this is what is known or "kinda-known" about Arod a/k/a Alex Rodriguez.

*May have taken steroids while in high school. (Showing a willingness to be a human petri dish at a very young age.)

*Has admitted to taking steroids from 2001 to 2003 because things were "loosey goosey" back then. ( Admits taking illegal substances but only when confronted with leaked positive tests despite earlier adamant denials. Weasel-like tendencies here.)

*May have taken steroids with the Yankees after 2004 when they were banned by Major League Baseball. (Now,your cheating, man. As Archie Bunker once said to Meathead "You are a person of very little quality")

*At his best when his team is up by 10 runs. (Not exactly a clutch performer.)

* Teammates have nicknamed him "The Cooler" because teams turn cold when he arrives and heat up after he leaves. (Can be proven but more importantly shows he has no friends.)

*Reportedly fainted during the birth of his most recent daughter. (Oh, come on, man!)

*Openly dated body-builder ladies and other assorted bimbos while married and with a newborn at home. (Degenerating into"low form of life" behavior.)

*Followed an aging Madonna around like a puppy dog. (Where to start?)

Now MAYBE you could overlook all of this but now it comes out in Selena Roberts' new book "A-Rod" that the man of the hour here only tips waitresses at Hooters 15%!

15 PERCENT?!

(Stunned silence)

I can just see it. "Hey honey, more wings right over here. Don't worry, I will take care of you." Along with a wink and all the while, running her ragged.

Does he have a tip calculator card in his wallet? Does he round up to the nearest dollar?

Arod, you will never survive THIS ONE. Mark my words! Just forget it! Hell hath no fury like a waitress scorned.

15%!

Dude, it's over. (You watch)

No kids at playoff games unfortunately

I see that I am the lucky recipient of a generous gift of tickets for tonight's Red Wing's playoff game. This really is an unfortunate byproduct of the horrible Michigan economy at the moment. Among other things, the Red Wings have sent emails to targeted customers (I received one) offering tickets at a rather large discount. In the previous series, they offered deals to the opponent's (Columbus) fans as an enticement to come up and catch the game in Detroit. I know the circumstances of these tickets and I do know that these tickets would not have been offered to me free of charge in past years.

Oh well, 7 year old (as of Wednesday) Skate Kid and I are going to the game and this leads me to a baseball/hockey observation.

In 2006, I was lucky enough to attend Game 4 of the Tigers/Yankees playoff series and I went with then 10 year old Computer Boy. While walking around the park before the game, I had this eerie strange feeling. Something was wrong and I just could not put my finger on it. After walking around for about 15 minutes, it dawned on me what it was. There were no (well very few) kids at the game. I think in the playoffs, tickets get so expensive that people (adults) get together with sometimes life-long friends for this once-in-a lifetime (for Tiger fans anyway) experience and the kids just get left out of the picture. I can understand why this happens and frankly kids under the age of 10 or 11 may not appreciate the significance of a playoff game (Computer Boy sure did though) so sometimes it is hard to justify a large dollar expenditure for a ticket for a child who may not appreciate it any more than a regular game and may end up begging to go home early anyway. I get all that but I still like to see kids at the game.

Our family are supporters of the local OHL (Ontario Hockey League) team the Plymouth Whalers. It is a good product at a fair price with the rink just up the road and it is nice to see the NHL stars of tomorrow playing right in front of you in a 4000 seat rink. It also does not hurt that the Whalers have a long history of winning. We catch 12-15 games a year and they are worth every penny.

One thing about the Whalers, do you know who usually starts the "Let's Go Whalers" chants at the games? Yep, the kids.

Skate Kid will need to transition his "Let's go Whalers" chant to a "Let's go Red Wings" chant but I think he can handle that.

Go Wings!