Thank you Ryan from the Great Orioles Autograph Project!

Thank you Ryan from the The Great Orioles Autograph Project for the unsolicited box (and not a small one) of Tiger cards. The above is photographic evidence of the joy that Ryan delivered to Computer Boy (Alex) and Skate Kid (Louis). I even indulged and kept some for myself as Ryan generously included copious quantities of Magglio Ordonez, Miguel Cabrera and Ivan Rodriguez cards and I collect these players.

If for some reason you are not familiar with Ryan's site, click on the above link. Stop by now. It is only a click away. I will wait.

Ok, so you saw that Ryan is on a mission to collect an autograph from every modern-day player who has ever suited up for the Baltimore Orioles and he appears to be well on his way to completing this very ambitious goal. Ryan has literally hundreds of Orioles autographs and this puts to shame our families' autograph collection (we probably have around 75 autographed items). That is ok. Humility is a good thing.

Ryan's quest is one of dedication, determination and devotion to his favorite team and I for one admire these qualities and am rooting for him. Go Ryan!

Thank you Ryan from the Wolfpack!

Kevin Wolff
Alex Wolff
Louis Wolff

Ozzie will change things! You watch.

So the White Sox lost to the Yankees 8-3 yesterday, completing a "getting swept" weekend in New York. Ozzie Guillen, for one, did not think it was a very good trip except for the amenities which he liked.

This from Ozzie per the AP game story:

"Well, we came to New York and visited the new Yankee Stadium. It is a very nice ballpark, and the hotel we stayed at was also very nice. That's all I have to say about these last three days."

The logical implication of this is that the next time they travel, the White Sox are going to stay at a Motel 6.

They should have played well when they had the chance.

Now they get to deal with bedbugs, broken air conditioning, no room service and all that.

Edgar Renteria sure can light the flame

In the AP story on yesterday's Giants win over the Rockies, it is noted that the Giants held a team meeting Tuesday, the day after their heartbreaking 14-inning loss at Colorado that ended on a grand slam. Apparently Edgar Renteria spoke up at the meeting. "I told them, "Play ball," Renteria recalled.

Forgetting his dismal uninspired play when he was with the Tigers, I do recall that Renteria was a pretty quiet person.

I can just picture the scene at this meeting which preceded Tuesday's game.

Everybody talking at once. People blaming each other for how the game went the night before. Old animosities resurfacing. Virtual chaos.

Quiet Edgar taps someone on the shoulder and whispers that he would like to speak.

"Hey guys quiet down! I SAID QUIET DOWN! HEY EVERYBODY, SHUT UP! Edgar wants to speak!"

The clubhouse becomes eerily quiet. All eyes shift to Edgar. He never says anything so this has got to be something very profound. Everybody leans forward to hear what Edgar has to say.

Edgar then utters the following words of wisdom: "Play ball".

At first, there is stunned silence from the group as it takes time to digest the meaning of these words.

After a few seconds someone screams out, "Let's kill those guys! They can't play with us." Others yell out, "No way! They are dead meat! Let's get out there! We are going to PLAY BALL!"

A new purposeful chaos results.

The players grab their bats and gloves and then storm the field, college football-style, culminating in a circle of delirious ballplayers jumping up and down before batting practice.

I don't think I need to tell you who won Tuesday's Giants/Diamondbacks game.

And it all started with Edgar.

Don't mess with Pudge! Just don't.

In Saturday's game against the Twins, Texas starter, Scott Feldman had scattered four singles and had walked four through the sixth inning. With runners on the corners and Michael Cuddyer due up, Texas manager replaced Feldman with hard-throwing Neftali Feliz and told him to throw hard. Texas catcher, Ivan Rodriguez then called four straight breaking balls.

Moral of the story: Pudge calls his own game, thank you very much. He's a Hall of Famer and not taking no direction from no Ron Washington. Think again.

Manny the Motivator!

Per AP, Matt Kemp on Manny Ramirez after the Dodgers 11-4 win over the Reds Saturday:

"We get a lift when he comes to the ballpark every day. HIS ATTITUDE IS GREAT. (emphasis mine) You can never tell if he's struggling or hitting good."

Per the LA Times, recent Manny Ramirez quotes:

"I've already proven I'm a great hitter, so anything I do now is gravy."

"So if we don't win this year, there's always next year."

Can you reconcile these quotes?

I can't.

(If you gave Matt Kemp some truth serum, I bet he would say Manny is a putz.)

Ozzie, the victim!

The Yankees beat the White Sox who are contending for the Central Division lead 10-0. White Sox pitcher, Jose Contreras gave up 9 hits and 8 runs (6 earned) in 3 innings. He also had a classic "throw it a mile over the shortstop's head at second base on a comebacker to the mound for a force" moment. He has a 5.42 ERA and has won once in his last 8 starts.

Per AP, this was White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen's comment: "I wish I had another choice besides Jose."

Hmmm.

You have absolutely nobody in AAA that can handle those starts?

This is important, you know.

Someone caught a signed home run ball!

This verbatim (with the exception of one word) from philly.com:

"A volunteer umpire of a youth baseball tournament in Cooperstown, N. Y., thought it was his lucky day earlier this month when he spotted 350-game winner Greg Maddux in the stands. He asked the future Hall of Famer to autograph a ball for him and Maddux, who was with his son, obliged.

The ump was pretty happy until he mistakenly reached into his ball bag and threw it to the pitcher. But he figured it was no big deal, that he'd (I use a lot of slang on this site but this in a publication? CC) just switch it out after the first pitch. Except that it never got to the catcher. Instead, the batter drilled it into the crowded left field (this word spelled wrong in the article and I am helping them out a bit. CC) bleachers for a home run."

Great story. It could be better though if someone with a very legible autograph like Hank Aaron had signed it and the person who caught the ball could easily read it and then start looking for Hank Aaron in the crowd wondering just what the heck is going on. In this case, Greg Maddux has a notoriously illegible autograph as you can see above and the person who caught that ball probably just said to the person sitting next to him/her, "Look I just caught a ball with writing on it. They use old balls here."

Lenny Dykstra's new home has a license plate on the back

Per Jane Wells at CNBC, "financial advisor" and recent bankruptcy filer, Lenny Dykstra is now living out of his car.

"I don't mean to be crude," he says, "but where do they expect me to (go to the bathroom)?". He said that he is living out of his car though one night he was able to stay in the lobby of a Westwood hotel. (Don't they have security there?)

Lenny, do not relieve yourself in the gas tank. You will water down the fuel. That's not the right kind of recycling.

Park near a McDonald's or something. Drive off when you see the meter maid coming.

Knowing Dykstra, it probably is not even his car.

Look for him on the autograph circuit, real, real soon. This weekend if he can swing it.

There sure seems to be a lot of "harassment" going on with the Cubs

Per umpbump.com, Carlos Zambrano sure didn't like that recent column by Carol Slezak of the Chicago Sun-Times.

"That lady that says I was lazy, I want to see her on Tuesday," Zambrano said. "I want to be with no shirt so that she can see my body (it gets better), and she can see what type of body I have. If I'm lazy, lazy people do not have this body, so I'm going to show her my guns so that she can call me lazy again."

It is not known if Ms. Slezak showed up for the inspection.

Ok, we know these things about the Cubs:

1. Milton Bradley alleges that he experiences racial harassment regularly on the premises.

2. Carol Slezak has been issued an invitation from a Cubs player to meet him so to show off body parts which could develop into a sexual harassment situation.

3. Lou Pinella is a known serial harasser of umpires.

There sure seems to be a lot of "harassment" going on at Wrigley Field these days.

Do the Cubs have an HR Department or an In-House legal staff there?

Just wondering.

Is Mount Bradley ready to erupt?

One day after saying he felt hatred on a daily basis during his disappointing season in Chicago, Milton Bradley has seemingly changed his outlook on things. SEEMINGLY.

Per AP these are some of his comments after yesterday's game with the Nationals : "I feel love for me. I love me," Bradley said. "I look in the mirror and I go out there and play. I feel the love from my teammates. I feel the love from the coaching staff and from myself. I go out there and try to do things. That's all I can do."

What to make of all this?

Well, first off I am not necessarily taking this at face value because this sure isn't the Milton Bradley that I know. Further, I do not think that Milton Bradley has suddenly converted to some new age touchy-feely thinker complete with a life coach and all that. (That said, it might not be a bad idea for the Cubs to assign him a handler like the Rangers do with Josh Hamilton) No, I get the feeling that this is similar to a small tremor before a huge catastrophic earthquake or a gas release before a violent volcanic eruption.

Maybe I am reading this wrong but I think Mount Bradley is ready to blow.

Stay tuned.

This could be epic.

Victor Martinez sure likes that first baseman's glove

I see that in last night's Red Sox/White Sox game, Victor Martinez used a first baseman's glove to catch knuckleballer Tim Wakefield.

If you think about it, this makes quite a bit of sense if the catcher is comfortable with a first baseman's glove. The first baseman's glove would seem to have much more flexibility than a catcher's glove making it easier to catch a fluttering, unpredictable pitch. Also since a knuckleballer is only throwing 60 or 70 mph, a catcher would not necessarily need the added padding of a catcher's mitt which itself is one reason why the catcher's mitt is so inflexible. Makes perfect sense.

How come nobody thought of this before? This could have saved plenty of passed balls and wild pitches over the years.

Victor Martinez, you are a true baseball innovator, visionary, sage, prophet whatever. We salute you.

One tip though. Keep this kind of quiet otherwise the Baseball Hall of Fame which seemingly wants any relic which could remotely be considered historical might want that glove and I am sure that you would rather keep it.

If they come calling, give them another one. They will never know.

Don't feel guilty either.

Remember Toy Story 2? How many people wanted Woody to end up as a museum artifact?

I rest my case.

The Hall of Fame wants Eric Bruntlett's jersey?

So I see that the Baseball Hall of Fame for some reason has requested the jersey of Eric Bruntlett who turned an unassisted triple play to end the Phillies/Mets game Sunday.

Without ever having been to the Hall of Fame, I think it is now safe to say that they have too much stuff. They just do.

Eric Bruntlett's feat of course was not a difficult baseball play and was a consequence of being in the "right place at the right time". Kind of like being a lottery winner or the 10 million'th person to enter a stadium and we don't usually celebrate those people, other than maybe taking their picture and giving them a handshake.

Do they have the cleats of the shoe that Vince Coleman wore when he got stuck and rolled into the tarp that one game?

Do they have those beer bottles that Joe Charboneau opened up with his eye socket?

Do they have any broken or burned records from Disco Demolition Night?

Where does it end?

If Topps somehow got a hold of that jersey and cut it up, what would the game used jersey card be worth? A couple dollars? Ok, more but still.

If the Hall of Fame moves a Babe Ruth bat, or even Eddie Gaedel's bat, for this jersey, I am not going to be a happy camper. I just won't.

Jose Contreras usually does not disappoint

With the Tigers being 3 1/2 games up on the White Sox in the Central Division coming into the home stretch, for the last 3 weeks or so, Computer Boy has been closely following both the Tigers and White Sox games hoping that the Tigers can maintain their lead to the end. I don't follow the race that closely but I really do not have to as he updates me practically hourly on the scores of the games involving these two teams.

Yesterday before the games started, Computer Boy asked me how I thought the White Sox would do against the Red Sox that night. I told him that I didn't know but asked him who was pitching for the White Sox and he told me Jose Contreras. I told him that things would not be looking good for the White Sox as I explained Contreras is basically done as a major league pitcher and is easily hittable now. I also explained that nobody really knows how old he is and he could be ancient and he pitches like it. I also advised that the Tigers also had Justin Verlander pitching in their game so there would be a decent chance that the Tigers would extend their lead over the White Sox.

He was satisfied with the explanation but then I got to thinking that I would look pretty stupid if Contreras miraculously pitched a good game and of course, then all my credibility with Computer Boy would be blown.

Well anyway, the White Sox and Red Sox played their little baseball game last night. This was Jose Contreras third inning: single, out, out, walk, hit batter, error (by Contreras), walk, wild pitch, home run. Chalk up six for the Red Sox.

The White Sox went on to lose 12-8.

Per AP, this is Chicago manager Ozzie Guillen's thoughts on Contreras after the game: "Jose's going to be in the bullpen and I don't know who's taking his spot. I think enough's enough."

Too late, Ozzie. Too late.

Pronk keeps rolling on....and nobody cares

I note that Travis Hafner hit a home run in last night's Indians/Royals game. The game story indicates that Hafner now has 158 home runs with the Indians (Baseballreference.com gives him 159 not counting the lone Texas home run. What's up?) which puts him 4 behind Ken Keltner for 10th in Cleveland history.

When I was in Cleveland a few weeks ago to watch the Tigers play the Indians, I did not hear anything about this historic chase. Not one thing! I saw Pronk's banner up in the stadium but nothing about this. I mean like zilch.

Come on Cleveland! This is history in the making. Get on board. It is not too late.

Granted it is not like the river is on fire or anything but it is something.

Right?

Farnsworth in relief = Epic fail

The AP story on last night's 10-3 Twins win over the Royals contains the following phrase: "In came Kyle Farnsworth, and things got really ugly."

I bet they have that exact phrase cached in a very safe place as they use it so very often.

How can Kevin Youkilis possibly hit that way?

So I am watching the Red Sox/Yankees game tonight and every time I see the Red Sox play, I am perplexed at how Kevin Youkilis has ever gotten one hit at any level of baseball including t-ball.

Look at the way he holds and grips the bat. The batting stance is quite contorted but that in itself is not too much of a problem as there are other guys that are even more twisted up. No, it's the bizarre way he holds and grips the bat.

First, he's got the bat held at an almost 180 degree angle. Then, he deliberately puts his right hand several inches up the handle of the bat almost into the barrel doing what I have no idea. As the pitch is delivered, he slides his right hand down the handle meeting his left hand and then properly grips the bat and if he does this successfully, then he can consider swinging at the pitch if he likes it. What the heck is that?! How can he possibly hit that way?

That is just too much work if you ask me. He is multi-tasking WAY too much here! Hitting a major league baseball is hard enough without all that extra work.

Obviously it is working pretty well for him so you know don't change a thing but this is really a mind-bender.

(That pitch from Beckett to Matsui on his second home run in the 8th inning was pathetic)

How did he ever get through the minor leagues? Surely, more than once, he had a batting coach in the system take him aside and say "Son, we need to talk. I don't care how well you are hitting now, you will never ever make it past this level of ball holding the bat like that. Where in the world did you learn that? I want to see you real early tomorrow at the cages."

(He's up right now. I asked Computer Boy what he thought of it and he said it is messed up. Belaboring the point, I know but still...)

Tampa fans are stepping out

First off, nothing I say here in any way condones throwing stuff on a baseball field; even if Kevin Youkilis plays the outfield for a game. Just so we are clear.

I see that last night's Rays/Rangers game had to be halted in the ninth inning when Tampa "fans" in the left field stands began throwing peanuts at outfielder Marlon Byrd.

Come again? Tampa fans? I thought they were a pretty docile bunch but maybe that is changing. I could see it in Chicago, New York, Boston or Newark (the Bears play there, you know) but Tampa?

I wonder if the peanuts here will be like a "gateway drug" for Tampa fans. You start with peanuts, move up to beach balls, then batteries*, then cups of beer and then all the sudden, you have shirtless guys running out on the field attacking the opposing geriatric first-base coach.

And it all started with peanuts.

*In high school, a group of us would go sit in the bleachers at Tiger Stadium from time to time. The bleachers there were like an alternative world with a lot of stuff going on (think: no rules). Anyway, once one of our "friends" brought some small radio batteries to the game. I forget if we were playing the Yankees or the Rangers but he started throwing these batteries at Mickey Rivers. To be clear, I DID NOT THROW BATTERIES. OUR GROUP TOLD THIS GUY NOT TO DO IT BUT THERE WAS (AND STILL IS) SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM. Anyway, Rivers turned around and pointed at my "friend" and was screaming for Security to remove him. The only problem was there typically was no Security in the bleachers and any that day were probably drinking with the fans anyway. Mickey was just out of luck.

Not much for football but....

Yea, I don't like it either but if you are up for some free entertainment, check out the highlights of some of the returns of the Browns against the Lions last night. On a few, just about every guy on the Lions has a chance to tackle the runner but doesn't.

Flat out comical.

Tackle much?

No surprise. Cranky young men turn into crankly old men.

Per AP, Hall of Famer* Jim Rice said this the other day to a group of Little Leaguers:

"You see a Manny Ramirez, you see an A-Rod, you see Jeter. Guys that I played against and with, these guys you're talking about cannot compare. We didn't have the baggy uniforms. We didn't have the dreadlocks. It was a clean game, and now they're setting a bad example for the young guys."

Manny and A-Rod, ok but what is the beef with Jeter?

I wonder how much he complained signing that card above.

*Fenway OPS - 920, Away OPS - 789. Hall of Famer? How?

(I just lost my New England readers)

Ichiro - Man or machine?

Did you know that it has been 154 games since Ichiro has had back-to-back games without a hit.

If I was 30 years younger, I would say, "Man, that's sick!"

He doesn't do slumps.* Those are for lesser men.

Carry on.

*As to any criticism that most of his hits are singles, what is wrong with singles?

Why do the Dodgers have problems with the Cubs?

I note that with Thursday's Dodgers victory over the Cubs, the Dodgers improved their all time record against the Cubs to 1015 - 1014.

1015 - 1014?

Considering how good the Dodgers have been historically and how bad the Cubs have been, how could this be? Didn't Dodger greats Sandy Koufax, Jackie Robinson, Lee Lacy, Roy Campanella, Duke Snider, Jeff Hamilton and Steve Garvey rack up their share of wins against the hapless Cubs over the years? Guess not.

To add insult to injury, the Cubs fans don't even care. They just drink beer in the bleachers, sun themselves out there, call their bestest girlfriend to let them know they are at the game, mimic Ferris Bueller and also dispose of partially filled beer cups by throwing them at opposing players. They typically don't even know the score at any time during the game. Hey, truth is a defense to any libel action so back off!

Dodgers, you can't beat that?

Come on, bear down! It's the Cubs.

(I am going to be monitoring this a little closer from now on. Something is going on here that I just can't put my finger on)

Memo to the Orioles

Nice hats. I like the team colors. I hear the park is nice. In little league, I was on the Orioles.

All pleasantries aside and also let me say from the outset that I am just trying to help. I see that you just picked up pitcher, Chris Lambert who was just released by the Tigers.

Did you consult with your organizational scouts or pitching coaches before doing this? I mean that is what I would do before picking up a player. That's what those guys are for, after all.

Having been to my share of Tigers games this year, I can tell you that this is quite an ambitious project that you are taking on here. I don't even have to look at Lambert's ERA*. I have a good idea as to what it is. I can tell you that from our seats at Comerica Park, you can partially see the opponent's dugout and I can remember one time when he was coming in from the bullpen in relief, I swear I saw some opposing players rush to the posted lineup card to see how soon they would be up to bat.

I am not saying that he absolutely will never be an effective pitcher in the major leagues; after all the U.S. won the gold medal in hockey in the 1980 Winter Olympics** and all but.....

To come right out and say it, he is not what you are looking for. Trust me on this. I don't care what they told you.

I would keep looking though (but elsewhere).

*I couldn't resist. I looked it up. 14.85 ERA this year. 7.90 career ERA.

**They made a movie about that called "Miracle".

Jason Giambi bobblehead day!

Not to be outdone by the Cleveland Indians who had a bobblehead giveaway honoring Victor Martinez after they traded him, the Oakland A's will have a Jason Giambi bobblehead giveaway today. Of course, Giambi is now unemployed after being unceremoniously released by the A's a few weeks ago via an insulting press release detailing how poorly he performed this year.

If I was Jason Giambi, I think I would show up and claim one. Actually now that I think of it, that is exactly something that Giambi would do.

If anybody is going to be at the game, bring a baseball or a few cards for an autograph. If you forget, just have him sign the bobblehead. He will do it. He might even add a few choice comments about the A's.

Gary Sheffield has had enough of this baseball stuff

Two Gary Sheffield posts in one day. Hey, someone's got to do this!

Per Joel Sherman of the New York Post, Gary Sheffield today asked for a contract extension and this was refused by the Mets. He then threatened to leave the team and the Mets then pulled him from the lineup as you can't play someone who is in a taxi. In the end, he stayed (sounds just like Sheffield with these bombastic empty threats) and struck out as a pinch hitter in the 8th inning. (I did not see the at-bat but he better not have been called out "looking".) Apparently on his way out of the stadium, he said, "I'm done."

I bet he comes back. This guy is just not right. At 40 years old and with the injuries to Beltran and Delgado, he is the primary clean-up hitter with the Mets. He should be happy but he is sulking. Very tiresome. I discipline my kids for stuff like this.

Remember that intervention I referred to in the earlier post today before all of this happened? We need that like NOW! Fly these professionals in who do this kind of thing. No time to waste.

Come on. Help this guy out in his time of need.

Newsflash! Gary Sheffield is not happy again.

It appears that Gary Sheffield is just not happy again in his present situation. Will this man ever find peace?

Per Larry Brooks of the New York Post (yea, I know it is a tabloid but I seriously doubt that he made up these quotes), Sheffield advised that he does not expect to finish the season in a Mets uniform.

"Based on what I know, no, I do not think I will be here. But if I am sent to a team that I don't want to play for, I would go home."

"I have to look at everything. People always say they are going to do the right thing for you, but sometimes it doesn't work out that way. If I don't take care of myself, who will? That's what I focus on."

"I'd go to a team where they already have (a strong lineup). I don't want to go someplace where I would be seen as the guy who would make the difference, because if that didn't happen, then it would be blamed on me."

"I've never played in a hitters' ballpark. Put me in Yankee Stadium right now and you're talking about 50 home runs."

Obviously, this is pretty corrosive stuff considering that he is saying these things in the middle of the clubhouse but we have seen this from him before. I don't even have a clue as to his specific complaint this time but I do know that he always seems to be complaining.

What a ray of sunshine!

Isn't there a local Optimist Club that could help him? If he is not open to that, maybe schedule an A & E-style intervention or something. Lure him to a hotel by telling him that a reporter will be there to speak to him about writing a book outlining all of his grievances in life. Once he is there, pounce on him, give him your tearful pleas to change and then offer therapy. If he says no, well at least you tried.

Just trying to help.

Do not hit a home run here. It will ruin everything!

In the AP story on last night's Mets/Braves game, there is a really strange quote by Jeff Francoeur. It is even stranger than Dusty Baker's quote of a couple years ago when he said in all seriousness that he did not like walks (from an offensive perspective) because base runners "clog the bases".

As background, in the fourth inning last night, the Mets had like a mega-rally where they reeled off 10 hits erasing a 4-0 deficit.

Jeff Francoeur had this to say about the inning: "That was a lot of fun. You just keep pounding balls into the gap. The one thing you don't want to do is hit a home run. That's a rally-killer."

I can't tell if Francoeur was speaking "tongue-in-cheek" or not here. I sure hope he was because if not, he needs to go back to "baseball school" where on the first day he will learn that a home run is the best result a batter can get in any situation; bar none.

If he was speaking "tongue-in-cheek", I give Francoeur credit as that is kind of a funny quip for that circumstance. If he was completely serious, it is also funny but in a different, less flattering, kind of way and again some remedial education would be probably be necessary here.

I can just see Jerry Manuel telling Francoeur just as he was leaving the dugout for the on-deck circle: "Whatever you do, do not, I repeat DO NOT hit a home run here. We're on a roll and I don't want to mess things up. Understand?"

Why ya wanna look like someone else?

In an effort to keep his team loose, Rays manager, Joe Madden has dyed his hair from white to black.

Per AP: "I felt we were way too uptight around here. More than anything, we have not been really relishing in victory and I think we've been like too painful in defeat. We've just got to go out there and play. Understand, it's a game. We got to the World Series last year by being kind of free-spirited about the whole thing. The black hair is symbolic of all those different items."

In theory, I have no problem with this. Whatever it takes.*

In practice in this instance, I don't know why anybody would want to do anything to make themselves look like Tom Arnold.

Just sayin.

*He should just let it grow out instead of dying it back later or washing it out. That "half and half" look, while trashy, is gonna look really cool.

Josh Hamilton is not the only one with a LOT of ink

I will tie this one into baseball, I promise.

Yesterday, we took the boys to an amusement park 3 hours down the road.* It's summer, you know.

It happened to be very warm yesterday and by necessity most people were wearing as little clothing as possible. Now if you were in Venice Beach, you might look around a bit but in Average Town, U.S.A., not so much.

Anyway, I try to stay up on things.** I really do but I had no idea that the whole world has tattoos. Like THE WHOLE WORLD.

I thought only Josh Hamilton***, bikers, basketball players, Mike Tyson and middle age guys who did something they regretted 20 years ago in a drunken fog had these things. Boy was I wrong!

I must have been in a coma the last 5 years or so.

I missed the whole thing!

* Just once, try riding a roller coaster in a heavy rainstorm. It is like being in a wave pool.

** I remember the time when George Bush (the elder) well into his second term made a ceremonial visit to a grocery store and in all seriousness, cluelessly asked the clerk what a bar code scanner was.

*** This post is now baseball-related.

Is it the interpreter or is it Ichiro?

Per Gregg Bell at AP, Ichiro Suzuki had this to say yesterday about the difference between the Mariner teams from last year and this year:

"I think, man, we lost a lot of games last year," Suzuki said through an interpreter. "We also have a lot better human beings on this team."

Oh man! You can't leave us hanging here with that one!

Were they unfriendly? Selfish? Smell bad? Jerks? Wouldn't ever pick up the check? Scientologists? What?

That one really deserved a follow-up question but either it was not asked or it was not answered.

I can't fault Mr. Bell too much though. After all, he also got the following quote from Ichiro:

"This year, I like to enjoy some Japanese beer - the right way."

Even if there was some translation issue, this is some great stuff.

Maybe when they win, he likes to guzzle them and he couldn't do that much last year.

I don't know. I guess.

Isn't that Andrew McCutchen?

In a fluff piece by Patrica Sheridan of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, we learn the following "fun facts" about Andrew McCutchen:

* His favorite place is Dubai.
* He doesn't drink.
* His favorite book is "Green Eggs and Ham" by Dr. Suess.
* In response to the question "What wouldn't you leave home without?" he responds "my shoes". Very practical.

If you ever find yourself on a beach in Dubai and see a guy relaxing with his feet up (with shoes on or nearby), drinking a Shirley Temple and reading "Green Eggs and Ham", that is probably Andrew McCutchen.

Just a hunch.

What a way to build a fan base!

Our hearts go out to you little guy. Unfortunately, since that picture was taken, they are probably at strike 8 or 9 by now; well into ridiculous territory.

Do season ticket holders get a partial refund? They paid to watch a major league team. Or more accurately, TWO major league teams every game.

I guess I could easily research this but frankly motivation is an issue. Anyway, was any portion of the new gorgeous PNC Park publicly financed?

If so, I think we (well they) are at the "pitchforks and torches" stage.

Just sayin.

Brett Myers' black eye

Brett Myers of the Phillies who has been out since May 28 due to a torn labrum in his right hip was forced to miss his first scheduled rehab start Saturday as he is sporting a swollen eye. Unfortunately, the Phillies really don't know how he got it.

Per AP, Myers originally said Saturday that he injured his eye while playing catch with his 4-year-old son. Later that day, Myers told Phillies GM, Ruben Amara Jr. that he actually slipped while getting out his truck and hit his face Friday night.

"Brett told us one story and then he told us this story," Phillies spokesman Kevin Gregg said, "We were misinformed by Brett."

Of course, Brett Myers is the same guy who was arrested for beating his wife in the middle of the street a few years ago.

Look, I don't know how Myers got his black eye. Apparently, neither do the Phillies.

I bet his wife knows how it happened.

Hey Phillies, aren't guaranteed contracts just great?

Bronson, why so dumb?

A few days ago, Bronson Arroyo of the Cincinnati Reds said the following:

"I have a lot of guys in the locker room who think I'm out of my mind because I'm taking a lot of things not on the (MLB-approved) list. I take 10 to 12 different things a day, and on the days I pitch, there's four more things. There's a caffeine drink I take from a company that Curt Shilling introduced me to in '05. I take some Korean ginseng and a few other proteins out there that are not certified. But I haven't failed any tests, so I figured I'm good."

He also talked about taking androstenedione and amphetemines before they were banned by MLB in 2004 and 2006 respectively.

Computer Boy saw this on ESPN and said, "How dumb! What do you think MLB will do?"

I told him I thought they would bring him in a for a little talk and immediately test him.

Sure enough per Bob Nightengale of USA TODAY, Major League Baseball plans to schedule a meeting with Arroyo to discuss his supplement use. "We just want to chat with him." MLB vice president Rich Levin said.

Real smart, Bronson!

Arroyo has kind of a reputation as a stoner and I do not know how long cannabis, mushrooms or psychedelic drugs stay in your system but I think that there is a decent chance that any testing of Arroyo likely will be positive for some of those things in addition to whatever is in these exotic supplements that he admits to taking.

Frankly it should not make a difference as any recreational drugs are no doubt "performance-detracting" (maybe Dock Ellis would disagree) rather than "performance-enhancing" but many people might not be able to make that distinction and will be up in arms.

Real smart, Bronson!

Apropos of nothing really but I am not digging on that girly hairstyle.* That stringy Rachel Ray/Mary Tyler Moore thing is just not doing it for me. He needs a stylist or just a good old-fashioned barber.

*I know he has the "rock star" thing going on but it is my understanding that he typically plays in coffee houses before like 50 people so I would not quit my day job or alter my appearance for that.

They will get you in the end. They just will.

Prince Fielder had two home runs and Ryan Braun had one homer in the Brewers 12-9 win against the Padres last night.

They didn't want to talk about it though.

The AP story on the game by Colin Fly contains this gem of a paragraph:

"If Fielder or Braun were happy with their performances, they chose not to talk about them. The players stayed behind in the dining area and didn't leave before the clubhouse closed an hour later despite being asked to be available by the public relations department."

Ouch!

Hey, Prince and Ryan, I thought you knew this or maybe you do but just don't care.

Anyway, look here's the deal. All you have to do is talk to these guys and say some of the following lines:

* It felt great hitting those home runs.
* I'm seeing the ball really well right now.
* The other team "battled" and gave it their all but they just came up short.
* This team seems ready to gel.
* Were taking them one game at a time.

It's not so bad. They will take that. That will make them happy. Then they will go away and you can get to the dining area before the kitchen closes.

You know, they probably won't hurt you if you just keep it to those cliches. You really can't get misquoted if you just stick to the script.

If however you don't talk to them, well all bets are off and we can't help you.

Just some friendly advice.

Down in front!

Hey, down in front! I know you are sitting but down in front!

I don't care if you were in Kazaam! I paid my money!

Where is the usher?

It's like Bartman never happened

Seattle "fan" assuring the opposing team of a home run last night.

The guy next to him had the right idea.

Give him the Bartman treatment, Chicago!

Yep, the low form of life with the sunglasses and stylish white shirt who (ALLEGEDLY) threw the beer. His face has now been seen enough so that it will come out soon just who he is and he can look forward to news crews camped out on the front lawn of his mother's house where he lives, demands for interviews, phone calls to his employer, mothers pushing their kids away from him etc. All that stuff will soon be his reality. He can also exchange that Cubs hat for a paper bag because he is going to need it.

Oh, and memo to "double pointer" guy. Don't taunt the player/victim who got hit with the beer when Security comes around. First, it is unseemly. Second, Security is going to think that you threw the beer and throw you out. It's just common sense. You missed almost half the game and it is your own fault. I don't feel sorry for you at all. But don't feel too bad. The other guy; he's Bartman now.

Brian Roberts knows exactly how to get out of the manager's doghouse

Per Jeff Zerbiec at the Baltimore Sun, Brian Roberts* of the Orioles knew exactly what to do after committing an embarrassing base-running blunder in Tuesday's game when he forgot how many outs there were. He entered manager, Dave Trembley's office with an apology and a gift.

"I said, 'I'm sorry, Skip,' and gave him a bottle of wine," Roberts said. "I've never done that in my life. I think everybody is going to do something embarrassing at a certain time."

I never knew about this baseball tradition. Screw up and then give your manager a bottle of wine and everyting is ok. I can see the advantages for both sides.

I wonder if Billy Martin enforced this type of penance on his players.

It would explain a lot.

*Does anybody think Brian Roberts looks blitzed in this card? The eyes aren't right. Maybe the previous manager did not go for all this and gave the bottle back.

What's with Jamie Moyer?

With the arrival of Pedro Martinez tonight, Jamie Moyer is the odd man out in the Phillies rotation and is being sent to the bullpen.

He is not happy about it.

Per David Murphy at the Philadelphia Daily News, this is what Moyer had to say about it:

"I'm just going to tell you that, you know what, I'm not really happy with the decision that the Phillies have made. I really felt that Ruben (Phillies GM) kind of parlayed to me that this type of situation would not happen. I actually even had some conversation with David Montgomery and them reassuring me this type of situation won't happen."

"I feel a little bit like I've been misled. I feel like I've played this game long enough that the respect factor should be there."

Ok. Let's break this down, shall we? Moyer has a 5.47 ERA and a 1.51 WHIP which are frankly terrible numbers and probably unacceptable for any major league team not named the Pirates.

Here are the ERA's of the Phillies starting five:

Hamels - 4.77 (High but he's not going anywhere)
Lee - 2.95 (2008 A.L. Cy Young winner)
Blanton - 4.02
Happ - 2.75
Pedro Martinez - Hall-of-famer arrives today and will not be blocked by a 5.47 ERA.

Ok, so who among the above five pitchers is Moyer better than right now? Yep, nobody and it ain't even close and you don't expand to a 6 man rotation to accommodate a 5.47 ERA.

I am going to assume that Ruben Amaro is a competent GM and did not promise a spot in the Phillies rotation, let alone a roster spot, to a 46 year old pitcher. Frankly if he did, the Phillies need a new GM so I am going to have to give Amaro the benefit of the doubt on this one.

So why, other than this alleged promise of a fixed rotation spot, does Moyer think he belongs there?

I am all ears.

Waiting.

Hey Youkilis! Ever look at the big picture?

You and Porcello both get suspensions. Porcello pitches once a week and will miss a start. You, on the other hand, will miss.......well all those games.

You are 5 1/2 games behind the Yankees and we are getting into late August. Your GM went out and made all those moves for the stretch run and you go out and get yourself suspended. Classic buffoonery.*

*Plus when you went out there, you got thrown like a rag doll. Not impressed.

Something isn't right with Cecil

In yesterday's game against the Marlins, Astros manager, Cecil Cooper made a rather mind-bending decision in the 6th inning when he intentionally walked journeyman Nick Johnson to pitch to Hanley Ramirez who is leading the National League in hitting.

It didn't work. Anybody surprised?

Ramirez hit a run-scoring single which broke open a close game eventually ending in a 8-6 win for the Marlins.

I did see the highlights and the several hundred Marlins fans there appeared ecstatic.

Fast forward to this morning where the following conversation took place between Astros owner, Drayton McLane and Cecil Cooper:

McLane: First off. Is everything ok at home?

Cooper: Yep, just fine. Is this about that Nick Johnson/Hanley Ramirez thing last night?

McLane: Well, yes. Lately, you have kind of had us all a little worried.

Cooper: Look. Johnson is left-handed. Ramirez is right-handed. I was setting up a righty/righty match-up with Brian Moehler on the mound. It just didn't work out.

McLane: But Ramirez is leading the league in hitting and hits everybody. We do want you to use some independent judgement with these things.

Cooper: (rolls eyes) It was righty/righty. That is how you are supposed to do it.

McLane: What are Moehler's numbers against Ramirez anyway?

Cooper: Hell if I know! We had a righty/righty match-up!

(Pause)

McLane: Did I ever tell you how important this team is to me?

Cooper: It was righty/righty!

(Silence)

McLane: Are you sure everything is ok at home? We've got programs you know.

Hooray for Vlad! (but not for Wilton)

Last night, Vladimir Guerrero hit his 400th career home run against the Rays.(Yay Vlad!) His mother and brother Wilton (389 home runs less than Vlad) were on hand at the game to savor the moment.

Per AP, Vlad had this to say about his family speculating on when he would hit the milestone home run: "My mom kept telling me there's two more. My brother Wilton had bad math and said it was one more. It's good it came here in front of the family."

That was close! Good thing they went to the right game! Otherwise, they may have gone to a previous game and wildly celebrated home run number 399 and expected an on-field commemoration or something.

If I was momma and we went to the wrong game because of my son's "bad math", I would not be a happy camper. Let's just leave it at that.

It would not be pretty though.

Doug Davis is just awesomesauce!

Per AP, this is Arizona manager A. J. Hinch's take on his pitcher, Doug Davis after he gave up two runs and four hits in seven innings to win his third straight decision in the Diamondbacks 3-1 win over the Mets:

"He battled very well. He pitched as a quality starting pitcher should. His methodical approach to pitching is a testament to his preparation. He understands how to change a batter's timing, how to change eye levels, how to make pitches. He creates his own outs. He's having a terrific year."

I bet Hinch thinks we should waive the mandatory five year waiting period after retirement for Hall of Fame induction for Davis.

After all, it is the least that we can do for this immortal among men.

When was the last time someone bought a ticket to watch the umpires?

This is what Shane Victorino should have asked when he was being thrown out of the game by an umpire 300 feet away who did not like that he raised his hands while standing in center field in reaction to a ball/strike call.

Hey guys, nobody pays to watch you call a game! You are not the show here.

Can't we provoke them to resign in mass like they did years ago and then rehire new ones?

We need a labor dispute or something.

Never saw that before

Computer Boy and I went to the Tigers game today against the Minnesota Twins. Frankly, I was a little distracted by the 92 degree weather (maybe if they used celsius here it would not feel as hot) and I was watching the game of course, but it occurred to me that I was not watching the game with the "Never saw that before" segment in mind for this website and I panicked a little. When I realized this, I quickly asked Computer Boy who is an experienced game watcher if he had seen anything so far in this game that he had never seen before in a game. He thought about it and then said "No". I definitely did not want to get shut out on this and told him that we were going to have to watch the rest of the game very closely so that we could faithfully complete the "Never saw that before" segment on this site. He agreed to watch and help in any way that he could.

This will not be the greatest "Never saw that before" segment ever (though it will hold up) but we did come up with two examples today of things we have never seen before at a baseball game. Here they are:

1. The Twins are up with runners on base. The batter hits a hot shot right over third base which rolls near the ball boy sitting in his chair in the left field foul area. The ball boy gets out of the way and does not try to field the ball (Yea, ball boy! Talk to the Washington Nationals girl.). Tigers left fielder, Clete Thomas runs over to field the ball near the ball boy's chair and frankly makes what appears to be a half-hearted effort at backhanding it and misses it awkwardly. The ball then slowly rolls to the outfield wall. Clete was running alongside it and I think he could have picked it up but I believe he was afraid to look silly twice on the same play so he just ran next to the slow-moving ball all the way to the fence. Now Clete is a popular player, especially with the ladies (above photo of Clete's Cougars fan club courtesy of the detroittigers.weblog.com) but after that play, there were plenty of boos directed his way. (For the record, I would never boo a Tiger unless they gave the crowd the finger or something) I have never see an outfielder escort a slow-rolling ball to the wall. Never seen that before.

2. Sunday is "Kid's Day" at Comerica Park and between innings they give bikes away to kids on the field. I have talked about this before so will not rehash all the details of the bike giveaway. Today, the Tigers mascot "Paws" and the Tiger Girls escorted a girl about 3 years old and her parents to the field to give her a snazzy bike. The bike has training wheels and they got her on the bike for a picture with her parents, Paws and the Tiger Girls. As they were leaning in for the picture, Paws leaned his hand on the cross-bar of the handle bars and accidentally (I hope) knocked over the bike with the little girl on it. Of course, they picked her up and dusted her off and got her back on the bike. Paws tried to apologize but the little girl would not look at him. Even when he stepped in front of her to apologize, she turned her head. I guess Paws will hear next from her attorney. I never saw Paws hurt anybody before. Never saw that. That goes to show you that you can take these Tigers and defang them and put them in a Tiger uniform with a hat and big shoes and everything but in the end, they are still wild animals and we have to remember that.*

*Once I was at a Tiger game sitting in my seat and Paws snuck up from behind and took off my hat and started waiving it around to the crowd. I don't remember what hat it was but it was not a Tiger hat and I think that is why he did it; to mock my hat. I smiled and played along and did not confront him and eventually just accepted my hat back. Not messing with a wild animal.

Vicente Padilla sure does not have many friends

It is noted that the Texas Rangers have placed pitcher Vicente Padilla on waivers. Per Jeff Wilson at the Fort Worth Star-Telegraph, here are some reactions from his (now) ex-teammates.

Marlon Byrd: "About time. It's absolutely a positive for this team. We have to get rid of the negatives to make a positive, and I believe this is a huge positive for this team."

Ian Kinsler to GM Jon Daniels when he heard the news of Padilla's release, "Congrats."

Michael Young on Padilla's habit of hitting batters shortly after giving up a home run exposing his teammates to retaliation from opposing pitchers:"I have a lot of good friends on the Yankees, and they were like, 'One of you guys is going to get hurt one day.' No one wants to see that happen, obviously, but it's the nature of the game. A lot of times we felt like we had a bull's-eye on our back."

Marlon Byrd again: "You have to be a good teammate. You have to help teach younger guys the right things. He wasn't a positive influence on the young guys. You started questioning his character and about how much he cared."

I am sure that this just scratches the surface but apparently Padilla also did not show up for meetings and would escape to the clubhouse during games to surf the Internet.

Frankly, he sounds like a jerk.

I bet that this was about the only time you ever saw players lined up to speak to a reporter.

This reminds me of a guy I once knew. I graduated high school with him and he was a nice guy and all but his major character defect was that he absolutely refused to work instead spending most of his time in the basement of his parents' house smoking pot and reading back issues of Playboy. Actually, this behavior and living arrangement continued into his mid-30's when I lost track of him.

A few years out of high school, me and a few friends gathered up employment applications from local gas stations, pizza places and the Army recruiting office and mailed them to him anonymously. He never said anything about it to us but I am sure that he knew who sent them to him. Actually he was too far gone for this to have any affect on him but he got the message.

I think the Rangers players should mail a copy of the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie to Padilla with a note saying "Maybe this could help you".

It probably wouldn't have any affect on Padilla but at least he would get the message.

Bobby Cox ejection watch

I see Bobby Cox got thrown out of the Braves game with the Dodgers last night giving him 148 career ejections. After a slow start, he is really getting back in the swing of things. All seems right with the world.

I would like to give Bobby more credit on this one but I really can't. This is why.

The Dodgers have a batter up with a full count and a runner on first base. Jair Jurrjens pitching for the Braves throws a strike and the batter does not swing. Home plate umpire motions a strikeout with his right hand. The runner on first is attempting a steal and Braves catcher, Brian McCann throws him out at second base. Two outs on one pitch. Nirvana!

But hold on one second. Home plate umpire now says he actually called a ball and a walk (and people say Pete Rose had a gambling problem) and puts runners on first and second base.

Bobby Cox enters the scene and the rest is very predictable.

As you can see, Bobby only gets a very slight pat on the back here as any competent manager gets thrown out in this situation.

It still counts though!

I do however know one umpire who is not going to be working the Playoffs or World Series this year. Baseball just does not reward bad behavior like that.